#11 Weekly DBrief

Day One of the Rest of My Life

Day One of the Rest of My Life

by David Bryan

There's a moment, somewhere between the book's first and last page or the first strike of a chord in a new song to its closing note, where the outcome is uncertain to you, but the thing you are taking part in is enjoyable. That's where I am right now, and it feels overwhelming in a good way.

After years of chaos, addiction, reinvention, and growth, I've landed in a strange, beautiful kind of stillness. An electric quiet that comes just before a storm, a storm of success. That's what I'm hoping, anyway. No, I'm not hoping actually, it's what I'm manifesting for myself. It feels different walking directly into the storm, confident in the knowledge that I have no idea what might be ahead of me except for what I would like there to be on the other side. I don't want to jinx myself, but that might be growth.

I used to chase the noise and cocaine soaked nights out that blurred into mornings. Gobbling up applause that barely touched the ache underneath, constantly moving just to avoid sitting still with myself. Stillness used to feel so painful. But now? Now it feels like power. And I'm reclaiming that power with every considered move of the chessboard. You know the ones I'm talking about. Those stop and breathe moments, where you take a beat to consider the path ahead. I'm no longer surviving by default. Instead, I'm choosing to live with intention.

It's not all clarity and calm. Some days I still feel like I'm made of static. But something has shifted. I'm not looking back with regret or forward with fear. I'm just here. Present. Clear-headed. Open. It feels like arriving at a version of myself I used to think was out of reach.

So yeah, things feel different now.

What I've Been Up To

As of yesterday, I officially finished university.

No more drafts. No more deadlines. No more 2am existential crises fuelled by oat milk lattes and panic. I submitted my final assignment and just like that, four years of study, struggle, growth, and graft came to a close. All that's left is the waiting game to see if I've passed. Thankfully, it's not a fearful wait. I'm just proud I made it this far.

I remember receiving my acceptance letter years ago. I wept like a newborn as I read the letter to my mum over the phone. These were the tears of a man so down on himself and his abilities that a University degree seemed like a crazy pipe dream. It didn't feel like I'd received an acceptance letter; I felt like a "yes, we'll take you because we have a quota" letter. It's taken me some time, but I realise now that I was as worthy as any student in the classroom.

The last month has been tough. I have juggled final assignments with rehearsals for Les Misérables and shifts at work. All whilst staying grounded in my recovery. I've been white-knuckling some days, but I never let go. Cold showers, the gym, sober poetry clubs, therapy, and the occasional kitchen disco with Sasha have all kept me sane.

Now that university is over, I can finally give my full focus to Jean Valjean, my dream role in one of my favourite musicals. Rehearsals are going strong, and with brain space freed up, I can throw myself into all things Les Misérables. This part feels like a massive deal; I want to give it everything.

Creatively, I've also been working on bringing back The Singy Talky Show, a podcast I started with the very awesome Mr A. We started it in lockdown, sharing stories and singing a few tunes to keep everyone entertained, but then we kind of forgot about it. It was chaotic, honest, weird, wonderful and made no sense at all, but we had loads of fun making it. And now feels like the perfect time to resurrect it.

I nearly bought a bright yellow Jeep Wrangler in a moment of almost-glorious madness. It was ridiculous and wildly impractical, and for a second, I convinced myself it was exactly what I needed. In truth, it was a distraction disguised as spontaneity, what can I say? Growth can be a tricky mistress. In the end, I walked away from the idea, for now...

And the biggest shift of all is that I've finally said goodbye to the old house. What felt like my safe place for so many years was a prison for some of my life's hardest, rawest chapters. It feels like such a sad place every time I visit it. It feels like it's gained sentience from the negative energy that leached off me, and now it doesn't want to stop feeding me. Letting go of it has been bittersweet but necessary. It felt like closing the door on a former version of myself. I've walked away from more than just the house. I've had to abandon a past life, unfulfilled dreams and empty promises. But it's made room in my life for something new, and I'm excited about that.

What Comes Next

This is the part where I'd usually hedge my bets or crack a joke. But I'm done playing small. For the first time in my life, I'm not running from something; I'm moving toward something.

I'm stepping into a new chapter not dictated by survival, fear, or the need to prove myself to ANYONE. It's shaped by values. Purpose. Curiosity. Integrity. That might sound lofty, but it's true. And it's terrifying in a quiet, exhilarating way.

Professionally, I still don't know what I want to do. I do know that I want to continue with my Mental health advocacy. Maybe look into Wellbeing consulting. I've lived through addiction, self-destruction, and years of wearing masks, and somehow, I came out the other side with some great skills and coping mechanisms. I don't have a PhD in psychology, but I've earned a lived PhD in wading through a river of crap and finding the flowers on the other side. And my thought is that there are artists, performers, musicians, and high-pressure professionals out there who might want someone like me in their corner.

I don't want to be a guru or a fix-it man. I want to be a companion on the road. A kind of sober sherpa. Sober Sherpa! I like that! I'd like to be the person you can bring on tour or call in the middle of a breakdown. Not to "sort you out," but to hold space with you while you remember who the hell you are. That's one of my ideas that I'm rolling around in my head.

And I'm giving myself permission to take my time with it. I used to think success meant speed. That if I wasn't blowing up overnight, I was failing. Now I know better. It's all about the slow build, and I'll need to remind myself of that daily because I'm an impatient little Feck Whit.

In other news, I'll be travelling to Japan soon! It's been on my bucket list for years, and as it's my 40th this year, we thought, why the hell not! Go hard or go home, baby. We will be exploring the Golden Triangle for two weeks, and I'm beyond excited. Look out for the travel blogs to follow.

And I want to keep creating. I owe it to myself to keep writing. I want to write essays, scripts, lyrics, maybe even a book someday. Correction, I WILL write a book someday. I'm adding that to the manifestation list. I've got worlds waiting in this crazy brain of mine, and now I have the skills to pen them. I want to carry on creating content in all forms, speaking honestly. I want my content to be of use. And I want to do it all without sacrificing the sanity I fought so hard to reclaim.

The truth is, I don't know exactly what comes next. But at least that doesn't fill me with dread. It all feels very attainable. It feels like I'm finally living in alignment with the man I always hoped I could become.

So here's to day one. Again.

Until next time

DB x